Noble gases should have no reaction.
Blagues en Anglais
Loading...A man walks into a bar…
The bartender asks « Why the long face? »
The man replies « I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death. »
The bartender looks shocked and says « I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself. »
The man asks « Well what would you do in my situation? »
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says « If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself, I’d kill the guy. »
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts « That’s a great idea! Thanks! » and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
« Did you kill the guy? » The bartender asks nervously.
« Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please. »
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn’t ask a question.
A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: « 5 lamb chops, please. »
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: « 5 lamb chops, please. » Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the « stop » bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: « What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius! » The owner responds, « Genius, my ass……… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys! »
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, « Hey, Dave! How ya doin’? »
His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.
« Oh no, » says Dave. « Hes on my bowling team. »
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, »How did she know that you drink Budweiser? »
« Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them. »
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says « Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy? »
Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, « Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dav
A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad…
…for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
