Blagues en Anglais

What is the most DIFFICULT tea to swallow ?

Reality

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: « There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

Media: Scientist claims « Findings are meaningless. »

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly « mmm…that was some good lion meat! ».

The lion abruptly stops and says  » woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can ».

Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily « get on my back, we’ll get him together ».

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts « where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago… »

I was having sex with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room

Im indiana Jones, Get out

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with.

Here’s the joke I told:

« What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw your washing (laundry if you’re American) in. »

One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I felt mortified as I didn’t know about it, and said « I’m so sorry to hear that. Did he drown? »

« No, » replied the guy. « He choked on a sock. »

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

I told her we use names here.