Blagues en Anglais

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: « There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with.

Here’s the joke I told:

« What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw your washing (laundry if you’re American) in. »

One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I felt mortified as I didn’t know about it, and said « I’m so sorry to hear that. Did he drown? »

« No, » replied the guy. « He choked on a sock. »

A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks « Why the long face? »

The man replies « I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death. »

The bartender looks shocked and says « I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself. »

The man asks « Well what would you do in my situation? »

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says « If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself, I’d kill the guy. »

The man jumps up from his stool and shouts « That’s a great idea! Thanks! » and runs out of the bar.

A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.

« Did you kill the guy? » The bartender asks nervously.

« Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please. »

Blagues en Anglais

Ceci pourrait vous interresser :

Ces articles pourraient vous intéresser :