Blagues en Anglais

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.

A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.

The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter.

Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong.

The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb.

“Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.”

“Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk.

“But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.”

“But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”

The correct term is « turd-world countries ».

Church

Please don’t. She’s out of town on business until Tuesday.

One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

Elongate would be really drawn out.

The man says, « Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy replies, « Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man says back, « That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?”

The guy says, « No. They’re all at the funeral. »

The fairy says « I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day. »

The professor says « I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read? » so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says « I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze » so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says « I’ll be an artist » so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says « I got a masters degree in art. »

Edit: Thank you for the silver, gold, and platinum!

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says « I’ve been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean »

Clerk: « How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here’s a pack. » The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: « you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I’ll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky. »

Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn’t say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: « if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn’t have invited you. » the young man replies « if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn’t have come. »