Blagues en Anglais

The man says, « Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy replies, « Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man says back, « That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?”

The guy says, « No. They’re all at the funeral. »

Midlife crisis

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. « Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don’t allow smoking in here. You’ll have to step outside to smoke. »

So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.

The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. « Hey you two! » he shouts. « Stop making spectacles of yourselves! »