Dernières blagues

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly « mmm…that was some good lion meat! ».

The lion abruptly stops and says  » woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can ».

Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily « get on my back, we’ll get him together ».

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts « where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago… »

Church

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, « Hey, Dave! How ya doin’? »

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

« Oh no, » says Dave. « Hes on my bowling team. »

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, »How did she know that you drink Budweiser? »

« Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them. »

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says « Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy? »

Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, « Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dav

There would be mass confusion.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. « Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don’t allow smoking in here. You’ll have to step outside to smoke. »

So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.

The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. « Hey you two! » he shouts. « Stop making spectacles of yourselves! »